This Blog Is Now About Rugby.

3 weeks ago I received some life-changing news.  I have been admitted to Central Washington University.

It isn't Yale or CSU Fullerton or Johns Hopkins or any of my other dream colleges, but it is a real university with the program I've come to see as my calling in life: EMT-Paramedic.  And for a kid with parents just poor enough to fuck him out of financial aid but not able to actually assist with college fees, this is a pretty big deal.

Yet what I am most excited for is the fact that Central has a rugby team.  And it is a good, competitive rugby team.  For someone who was undersized for athletic endeavors in high school, being able to take up a team sport where people are unlikely to have an experience edge is incredibly appealing.  So appealing that I have been busting my ass nightly with working kicks and sprints to get where I am not a detriment to my future squad.

If I end up doing 4 years at Central, I want to be the captain of the team before I leave the pitch for my final college game.

No point in playing if you aren't competing at the highest level you can.

Or really doing anything, in my opinion.

Boring specifics that only ruggers will care about?
I want to play openside flanker.  Often trusted to be the most physical and fit person on the team.  At 5'10 I'll be undersized and plan to put on an extra sheet of quality muscle before the season starts to help compensate.
I ordered a pair of Canterbury Wero Pro boots, and love them.  It is strange to run in screw-in cleats though, they seem much heavier than any other footwear I've owned.

4 weeks until first practice.

20 until first game.

Tomorrow I go up to Ellensburg for advising, housing, and VA help.

Wish me luck.

This blog is effectively dead.

Because while I am still a giant nerd, I have nowhere to train, and as such, I'm not really a grappler... at least in the realm of competition.

What's new with me?  I'm trying to become a college boy.  I intend to be a firemedic and will try out for the CWU rugby team.

In the mean time I'm trying to put on the ~20lbs of muscle that will be needed to play the position I'm interested in.

Hope everyone (all 2 readers) are well.

30DLP - Letter 4, your sibling

Hey, sis.  How have you been?  It has been a couple weeks since you were around.

Not that I blame you.  When I have somewhere to go, I leave, too.

It's probably strange to some people, how close our family isn't.  And if you're from a family that is close, I can imagine it would be.

But we've been taught that avoidance and secrets are the easiest way to stay safe, haven't we?

For siblings, we turned out quite different.  I won't lie, I have always felt a slight bit of unearned resent toward you.  It felt, growing up, like I was the test case.  That disciplinary policies were honed on me, so you ended up getting the best of everything.  Better clothes, nice car.  I did my best to be happy for you, but there is a part of me that still feels like I got dicked.

It's also strange what a difference a few years in age can make.  There are probably memories I consider "formative" that you don't recall at all.  Hell, you were a crying infant for one of the worst.  I'm a bit sure you don't recall that one.

I guess this is a plea, more than anything else.  Don't be upset at me for avoiding volatile family functions, because there is still a lot of bitterness over my childhood.

Things were worse before you came along.

30DLP Letter 3 - Your Parents

I haven't been looking forward to this letter.  I've been putting it off, gathering my thoughts, reducing them down, stirring, reducing again... and I've mostly come to one root concept to describe you two.

It isn't that you're bad people.  You just don't know how to be good people.

Mom, you will always be kept at a distance.  I know you notice and I know you wonder why, but it is not hard to figure out.  Any time I've ever let you get close, you've hurt me.  I think it is some demented ploy to hold power or dominion over me, but whatever.

Dad, you kind of fall into the same camp.  You wanted to be an overlord when I didn't need that, and now that I'm back home, floundering, and just want me father to be there, you're too busy getting high.

You're both children, and I consider the fact that I'm shucked off the habits you imparted upon me to be one of my finer accomplishments.

30DLP Letter 2 - Your crush

This is an interesting one.

You came into my life at a time where I needed someone to take interest.  I had been home for 2 weeks, horrified that I no longer had a friend circle.
We had hung out in groups for almost the last year, since Claire's graduation.  I noticed you, we were friendly, and I made a point for us to all be in groups every time I came home.  You asked me for fitness advice, asked about jiujitsu.  I thought you were just being friendly.  I figured you were (are) so far out of my league that I felt just lucky to be a friend.  And when it turned out that you were interested in me as more than a friend, it flipped a switch.
And I we've spent the majority of our days together since then.
The Monday after we got together you were introducing me to your mom, your stepdad, your mom's clients... and it was like I was in some sort of twilight zone.  You know me well enough to now see that I'm a big ball of social awkwardness and anxiety, but I do all I could to conduct myself in a manner that wouldn't have me banned from you.
And it seems to have worked.  We're still together.  And in the last week you have shifted from treating me as if you're happy with me to treating me like you're genuinely excited to be with me.
And it feels amazing.  You treat me so much better than I've ever felt I deserved.  Your family treats me better than mine does.

I'm excited for you, and I am excited for us.

30DLP: 1st Letter - Best Friend

A week later, and more than a few a dollars short, I'm finally kicking this off.

Hey man, how've you been?  It's been almost a decade now that we've known each other.  So strange to think about.  We've both grown up, and at times apart, but the fact remains that you're still the closest thing I've had to a brother, and I do what I can to treat you like family.  There have been times where you give me a home, since I don't have one.  You and your mom have fed me when I was hungry.  I didn't need to tell you it was because I wasn't welcome at my birth home.  You knew.
And you always have.  You've read me so well throughout the years.  It's freeing, in a way.  I've never had to lie to you.  Some of why is because well, I knew that you'd be there regardless of what is happening.  Some of why is the fact that you'd know the truth whether or not it is what I'm saying.

I don't know if I ever told you how much it meant to me when you wrote me in boot camp.  Outside of Natalie and my mom, you were the first person to do so.
I bawled like a baby.  I felt like I was letting my friend down by not being there to share your good times in college.  But you told me you were proud of me, and that Christmas, you treated me like it.

Then when I got to Oak Harbor, you (as well as Sher and Zab) made it a vacation.  Especially when I was on the night shift, spending all my off days in your apartment.

I'm sorry we haven't stayed closer.  Part of growing of, I suppose.  You getting married, me moving back home and doing what I can to become an adult with a real life.  But you've always made your home open to me, and I cannot wait to return that favor.  You've supported me in every dream.  And I cannot wait to prove you right when you believe in me.

I'm proud of you.
I hope you still are of me.

30 Day Letter Project

So here's a bit of a stolen idea from my old friend Rikki King, but I think it will be good for me to write some of these letters.

Aiming to start tomorrow.

THE LETTERS

Your best friend

Your crush

Your parents

Your sibling (or closest relative)

Your dreams

A stranger

Your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Your favorite internet friend

Someone you wish you could meet

Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

A deceased person you wish you could talk to

The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Someone you wish could forgive you you could forgive

Someone you’ve drifted away from

The person you miss the most

Someone who’s not in your state/country

Someone from your childhood

The person you wish you could be

Someone who pesters your mind – good or bad

The one who broke your heart the hardest

Someone you judged by their first impression

Someone you want to give a second chance

The last person you kissed

The person who gave you your favorite memory

The person you know who is going through the worst of times

The last person you made a pinky promise to

The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Someone who changed your life

The person who you want to tell everything to, but are too afraid to

Your reflection in the mirror