It clicked a couple months ago.
I changed up my strength routine. I watched the scale with a most peculiar goal number. I checked out schools in the area of job opening before I fired off an application.
Grappling had become the central point of my life. It was, and still is, the reason for most of what I do. There are so many point throughout the day where I simply grit my teeth and get the job done, due to the promise that the mats await me. I spend hours thinking of takedown-break-pass-setup-submission chains and how to best implement them, and if they don't work, I spend hours changing out variables until they do.
There are so many days where the only part I can consider a positive is the time on the mats and what I learned from it.
And those positives have pulled me through some rough patches of time.